My Diary
by totalyfab
Summary: What is it you think you know about me? You know that I am cold an unfeeling. But can you see past the mask of the heartless CEO I have put on for the world? The truth is you know nothing. Nothing real. I hope that by the end of this, you will understand.
1. Default Chapter

Hey. This idea popped into my head a long time ago so now I'm posting it. K. No...I own nothing but my kick ass Evanescence Cd's. Okay...here goes:

Seto Kaiba died today...

The headline began. Mokuba Kaiba leaned over the rapidly becoming tear stained newspaper. He knew it was for the best. His brother had been in pain for so long. It wasn't until 8 months ago that the pain became physical and now he's dead. 8 months ago, Seto had been sent to the hospital for rapid bouts of coughing up blood. One day he collapsed and was later diagnosed with an inoperable tumor growing on his lungs. Since that time Seto's condition had only gotten worse until 1 month ago he had been bed ridden and so sick he was unable to workmuch to his own disconcertment. 15 hours ago he had finally died, leaving behind his company and his little brother.

Mokuba was snapped out his reflections when he heard the door to the enormous mansion open and close. Yugi and his "gang", except for JoeyMokuba immediately noted. "Where's Joey?" Mokuba asked, sounding all too much like his brother.

"Wouldn't come. Said that it was better for the world that, quote unquote "Moneybags has finally..." Yami wouldn't finish his phrase. " Would you give this to him?" Mokuba handed Yugi a little brown, aged leather book. "Tell him to read the letter first and then go to the beginning. It goes 12 years back when he was 6 and I was just born. It starts on the day of my birth. I guess everything went down hill from there for him. Tell him to read it and come and talk to me. I think you should all read it. You'll learn things about my brother you never knew and probably didn't want to know." Mokuba said all this with his head down, his voice becoming steadily more shaky till he was crying again.

An hour later Yugi, Yami, Tristan, and Tea entered the Kame Game shop to find Joey sitting next to Serenity behind the counter. Neither was speaking and both looked very uncomfortable. "Joey, Mokuba gave this to us to read. He mainly wants you to read it but we were discussing it and we're going to go upstairs to my bedroom to read it out loud. It's Seto's Diary. Come on." Yugi said sweetly and headed upstairs without waiting to see what Joey or the others would say. Everyone followed, Joey somewhat reluctantly.

The group all situated on Yugi's bed and the chairs surrounding it. All settled in while Yugi began reading:

What do you think you know of me, Joey, Yugi, Yami. You know the color and coldness my eyes hole. You know the color of my hair. You know I'm evil and scary right? Do you see anything else? Past the make of cold hearted CEO I have put on to fool the world, to keep them away from me and out of my life. I'll tell you the answer to all of the above questions. Nothing. Well, here I am revealing myself to you. You may call it a diary or a death wish, depending on the perspective you choose to take. I didn't right this diary with the intention of anyone reading it. But now that I'm dead things have changed. This Diary goes back 14 years ago to the day that Mokuba was born and my mother died. There are periods when it skips a year or two, but they are rare. So here you go. Read and understand. Maybe, Joey, your perspective on me and my life will change.

1/17/1991

My Mother died today. She was bleeding internally after giving birth to my new baby brother. The doctors came to my father and myself to tell us what had happened. I believe I cried all my tears in that room, saying goodbye. She gave me a hug. Her cobalt eyes, so like mine, were brimming with tears. She told me to be strong for Mokuba. My father stood behind us. Even though his face showed no emotion I could tell he had been crying because of his bloodshot red eyes. She smiled at him and my father and then, as if in a dream, she was gone. I think it was then that my father was pushed over the edge.

My father escorted my brother and I from the building and drove us home. About 3 hours ago he "went out" Around 1 a.m. I learned a very valuable secret: my father is very violent when he gets drunk. This is the first time in my lifetime that my father has been drunk. My mother once told me that she made him promise that he would never get drunk around the house. I guess now that she's dead old promises mean nothing to him.

I was afraid when he almost hit Mokuba for crying so I distracted him, making him attack me until he finally passed out. I rocked Mokuba to sleep, feeling blood trickle down the side of my face. When my brother was finally asleep I got into my own bed and here I sit now. There are bruises forming all over my body. I feel like I am being stabbed with a knife in both my eyes whenever I blink. Knowing this I swear to myself Mokuba will never have to endure this pain. He doesn't deserve it. Right now, I feel only one thing is for certain now: I will never break my promise to my mother.

3/24/94

I realize it has been quite a while since I wrote. I have had nothing to say. Every night it was the same routine with my father. About 5 p.m. he would leave from homeassuming he had come home and return around 1 a.m. stone drunk and sometimes filled with drugs. He would beat me till either he was satisfied or asleep and I would lay on the floor for a few minutes hearing his shouts of how worthless I am run through my head. Then I would get up, put Mokuba to sleep and crawl in my own bed. Often as soon as my head hit the pillow I would be asleep, exhausted from my days work. School is stressing but is an escape. There is some comfort in the nightly routine. That is why I both completely agree with and completely loath the decision my father made tonight.

My father committed suicide last night. He drove his car off a cliff. He was out at another one of the bars he had been fortunate enough to have not been thrown out of yet when he was on his way home and drove his car off a cliff. Police and scientists say that he was traveling too fast for it to have been accident. I guess having to endure me became to much for him. The irony.

When The police came to my house to tell us the news I could tell they were very concerned and suspicious of the bruises and cuts that line my body. They suspected my father of beating me until the found the note in his room on his bed:

Officersit read,

I suspect you have now informed my children of my suicide and seen the bruises on my oldest child's body. I must inform me you that it is his own fault. Since the death of his mother three years ago he has frequently beaten himself and blamed me for it. I do not understand why he does this but he does. It is my recommendation that you send the baby to his aunt and uncles and the beaten one to an orphanage where Mokuba doesn't ever need to know his brother exists.

KEN

Personally, I am confused as to the point of writing the note seeing as the police couldn't have convicted him anyway. Anyway, here I sit in a cold stone prison cell. They took Mokuba from me. I don't know what to do now. A sense of helplessness I have not felt for 3 years is washing over me and I feel I have no control over my life. They took my brother, my only reason for living, away from me. What do I do now. But I will not let any of this show. I have talked to the police and attempted to convince them that my brother needs me. I don't believe I made much headway with them. I told them they can't separate us. They asked why but I can't tell them the truth. I can't tell them he is all I have left and all I will ever have again. I swore I would protect him, and so I will do so until the day he dies.

3/27/93

Mothers of Saints Orphanage. My new home. My aunt and uncle didn't want me and Mokuba so we ended up not getting separated. Luck is on my side right now and for that I thank God, if there is such a being out there. Ideally a soon to be ten year old and a 3 year old would have gone to different orphanages, especially after "such a tragedy"this phrase makes me roll my eyes every time I hear it However, either because they found my "cold, dark cobalt eyes and heartless self "intimidating or they are just stupid, we are together.

Our room is rather small, making a miniature bathroom look like a mansion sized bedroom. Mokuba and I share a bed. The walls and floors are a fake wood type material. I have to get Mokuba out of here. He is terrified, even for a three year old who can barely grasp the complete reality of our situation. He has not learned facial deception and I pray he never has to. I have stated it several times and will state it again: Mokuba Narille will have a better life then I have had. He deserves it...

3/28/93

My first day in Mother of Saints orphanage began at six a.m. when one of the "nannys" of the "children's ward" took Mokuba from me, refusing to tell me where he was going or when I would see him again.

Here we have what's called "group". This is the time when, essentially unwanted children six and above, bitch about how mad they are at their parents for leaving them. Frankly, I don't blame the parents. If they aren't bitching then they are "inspiring" the people of our group by telling them how coming here has enriched their lives because of all the friends they've made. I want to throw up.

We, the kids, are all supposed to take turns telling our "new brothers and sisters" our "inner feelings" and getting, as well as giving, advice to one another. I stay silent.

"Children, this is Seto Narille, our new friend." The urge to puke comes upon me again. Seto, what would you like to say today." She plasters a fake smile on her overly done plastic surgery face as she looks at me. I stay silent, looking around the room, glaring at anyone who dares look at me. I smirk inwardly as everyone lowers their head. "Seto, it is required you say something. Tell your new family something about yourself." Still the overwhelmingly fake smile. My head snaps around to glare at everyone one more time before beginning on Annieour "teacher" Still I stay silent. What should I do? Say something or stay quiet, letting Annie break first. Then, I get my answer as a young girl with raven black hair and crimson eyes sitting in a chair speaks up. "Come on. Say something. God. Trying to be Mr. Big shot. Please. Tell us. Why're you here? Parents couldn't take your ego anymore?" The girl immediately knew she had said the wrong thing. Annie hissed "Emily!" to her and she looked down. I felt tears that I refused to let fall flood my eyes and a lump the size of a coconut grown in my throat.. When I spoke, however, my voice was dead calm and quiet. "My mother died giving birth to my brother. After that my father lost his mind. He told me I am worthless, he was right, I see, but that doesn't explain his behavior. He told me the only reason he stuck around after I was born was because of my mother. Every day for three years he would go and get drunk, come home, almost beat my brother till I distracted him when he would come after me. Beating me till he couldn't move his tired body anymore. Then, a few days ago, he got drunk and committed suicide. You know how? He drove his car off a cliff." I tore my eyes from Emily and looked around the room. A few people shifted in their chairs and I heard various sniffles from around the room; I saw a tear or two come down almost everyone's face. I am impervious to this. "Is that what you all want to hear or would you rather I remain silent?" I practically shout the last part of my sentence. No one looks at me.

I feel Anna's gaze on me. She once dated my father until "that witch" referring to my mother stole him away from her. She doesn't believe any of what I just said. I can feel she hates me for saying these things. She hates me for telling the truth.

Tea looks up from the diary with tears in her eyes. She is the only one, though everyone except Joey looks as if they are holding back. Joey looked like he could give a damn. "So what? He had a messed up father. Then he went and lived in a big happy mansion where everything was fine and he grew up having more than any of us had combined when we were growing up."

"Why are you so heartless, Joey?" Tea asked, tears still in her eyes. Everyone was looking at him.

"Come on you guys. You have to be kidding."

"Lets just keep reading." Yugi suggested. Tea looked down at the book and began to read again.

I was met outside later under a large oak by Emily. She rolled up to me with a grim look on her face. I noticed how pretty she is. "Seto. I-I'm sorry for what I said today. I didn't realize.."

"Then perhaps you should not assume." I said coldly, glaring at her. She immediately got defensive and a determined look came to her face. "I came here to apologize not to be patronized. I also want to know if everything you said in there was true. Annie says it's not and she's never lied to us before."

"Everything I said was true. You can choose to believe it or not, but it's true. She says that it's not true because he was the love of her life until my mother came along." Emily just nodded and looked down. I couldn't believe she had had the audacity to ask such things of me, especially with how new I was. Suddenly I heard an intake of breath as Emily looked at me again. "Can I sit her." She asked. I simply nodded and watched as she struggled to get herself out of her wheelchair to sit next to me. After a short time I stood up and grabbed her by her waist to bring her down and gently set her next to me. She looked amazed when she uttered a thanks. I nodded and went back into the quiet reveille of my thoughts. After a moment I felt her eyes on me and turned to look at her. She looked concerned.

"What?" I asked. She smiled.

"You're very handsome, you know that?" I cocked an eyebrow and turned away from her.

"You're very pretty to..." The words felt strange coming from my mouth. I had never been complimented and had never given a compliment. I looked back at Emily and saw her smile. She had a nice smile. It occurred to me then that I had never had someone smile at me before. Today was a day of firsts, I guess.

The rest of the day was spent talking with Emily and now, at 10 p.m. at night I write this. I believe, for the first time in my life, I have a friend.

4/10/93

Emily died today. I learned the reason she sat in a wheelchair was because of a cancer that was eating away at her legs. Slowly. Until I came along she wasn't supposed to die for another six months. I wonder if it's my fault she's dead. If I put her through more than she could handle. I have been told two theories: it's not my fault and it is my fault. I am confused. I'll sort it out soon.

A/N: OKAY NEXT TIME EMILY WILL BE BURIED AND SETO WITH HIS BABY BRO WILL GO TO LIVE WITH GOZOBORO. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. FLAMES ARE ACCEPTED IF THEY ARE STATED MATURLY! I know some of you are waiting on other stories of mine to be updated and I'm working on it...but being in Freshman honors in highschool is tough. I WILL UPDATE THOUGH.....soon...I promise...


	2. Chapter 2

My Diary Chapter 2:

Hey y'all, sorry about the long update. Lots of shit going on right now. Anyway. Thanks to all my reviewers. YOU ROCK and here's your chapter. Oh! By the way. In my last chapter I made a mistake. One of the dates that was supposed to be 94 was 93. Everything right now is in the year 94. That was just a tiny mistake of not thinking clearly. Lol. Anyway. Here's the chapter.

4/11/94

The funeral is in a few days. I had a dream last night of how I watched Emily die. So I am going to write down how it happened. Yesterday I got up at my usual time6 am to be greeted by Annie and another nun named "Rose" outside my room. They both looked grim. "Seto, come with us." Rose said to me, her voice seemed rather shaky. This didn't strike me as odd at the time. They led me to the outside of Emily's room. That's when I got nervous. The door opened and I was ushered inside alone. The sight that greeted me will stay with me forever. Emily was hooked up to three different IVs on the left side of her bed. A heart monitor kept track of her heart beats on the right side. Her face was even paler than usual and her heartbeats were rough and staggered.

"Emily?" I whispered. Her head turned to face me. A pained smile briefly graced her face before being replaced by a grimace. "How are you feeling?" I think I heard a laugh come out of her, brief and airy but I think it was there. "Great." Her head turned to face the ceiling again. "What happened?" I was surprised by the weakness I heard in my voice.

"I'm dying. My cancer spread quicker then they believed it would. They don't think I'll live much longer. Not past tonight." Tears came to my eyes for the first time since my mother died. I felt lost and alone again. "Seto…," she gasped every word, "I need you to promise me something. I need you to promise me that you will never forget me. I need you to promise me that whatever hardships' life puts you through, you won't stop trying. You will strive to do your best. You will be everything you ever dreamed of and more. Can you promise me that?" I nodded. I wasn't sure of how to reply. I grabbed her hand and held on as tight as I could without hurting her. I don't know how long I sat by her bed until I felt her hand go limp and cold, and heard the heart monitor let out its final Beep before I was dragged out of Emily's room by nurses.

4/13/94

We buried Emily today. Everyone from our "group" attended. Annie said a few words then it became open mic. No one went up to say anything. Then we all got into a line and went up one at a time to pay our final respects to Em. When it came my turn I simply stared into her pale face and moved her black hair away from her face before leaning down and giving her a gentle kiss on the lips. "I'm sorry I never told you….I love you." I whispered into her ear. I almost cried, but didn't. Emily had been in pain and now she was free.

Finally it came time for the burial. All of us were driven by limo to the cemetery, which it turns out is only a few blocks away from the orphanage. Once there we walked with our heads down, all in black carrying candles. Mokuba was behind me a little way. He is still too young to understand death, but he understands he will never see Emily again. He is so young and all ready has suffered through 3 deaths. Some would say I have it harder because I will remember this forever. I don't know if this is true. After all, having memories of something is sometimes better then knowing you suffered but not knowing what it is that you that suffered. Mokuba has expressed to me that he will miss Emily's hugs she gave him every time she saw him.

Here, Tea again looked up at everyone around her. This time there were no tears in anyone's eyes. There was only a look of sorrow. Joey looked bored. "Wow. That…was….fascinating," he said before yawning. Serenity glared at him and smacked him across the face. "What is wrong with you Joey?" she asked.

"You guys have to be kidding me! Come on. Okay. His mother died. His father killed himself and his first girlfriend died of cancer. Big whoop. Then everything in his life was made right again."

"How do you know Joey." Tristan asked quietly.

"Oh you're joking right. He lived in a fucking mansion you guys! Please! He became CEO of a company. He had everything he could ever want!" Then a voice from a shadowed corner spoke.

"Don't you understand yet Joey. He never wanted any of what he had. Keep reading. You'll see." It was Mokuba.

Before Joey could retort Tea passed the book on to Yugi, who took on reading.

4/14/94

It turns out that a Mr. Gozoboro Kaiba is coming to our orphanage next week. The seventeenth to be exact. He is a world renown chess champion. I have been studying his matches for several months, since before my father killed himself. I have all of his strategies memorized. This will come in handy when he comes. You see, since Mokuba and I have come here several people have come by, almost daily, and offered to adopt me. Calling me genius and such. However, none of them wanted to adopt Mokuba.. I couldn't leave him here alone. He's not even 5 yet and I promised him and my mother that I would take care of him always. No one else could take care of him because no one has been there with him through all the hell we've lived through the last few years. There is also the fact that I don't want to lose him. He is my reason for living…if I were to lose him…I would be so lost. But now I have a plan so that Gozoboro will have no choice but to adopt us. I will challenge him to a chess match. If rumors are true he has never and will never back down from a challenge; even one given by a 10 year old. I know all of his strategies. I can beat him. I have to beat him.

4/15/94

I took Mokuba down to Emily's grave today. We placed half-a-dozen red roses on her grave. I spoke to her. Mokuba doesn't understand yet. He has never lost someone who he cared about more than himself. He isn't old enough to understand real loss. But one day he will stand at a grave and with tears rolling down his face he will speak to them as if they are right beside him. For now, he just watches me. Without the tears obviously. I would be shamed if anyone caught me crying over anything.

An interesting event took place today at the graveyard, which is why I mentioned it. Mokuba told me that he saw Emily standing over me and smiling. He even described what she was wearing and he was looking right at something I couldn't see. But I wonder if he actually saw it, if he was lying, or if he was hallucinating. This interests me. If he has a sixth sense where did it come from? I will have to look deeper into this at a later time.

Since Emily's death nobody in the group has spoken about their problems. Just how much they miss her. I wish they would move on with their lives. Dwelling on what happened isn't going to bring her back. They should all move on with their lives. Don't get me wrong. There is no chance in hell I would want to go back to the mushiness that surrounded me every day…but it is better then reliving the good and bad times I had with Emily for an hour every day. I could be doing other things that would be productive. I have work to get done and most importantly I need to take care of Mokie Moki. Have I told you that's my nick name for him. Coming here has loosened my up very slightly…But he is my brother. Two days and counting until Gozoboro's arrival. We may get out of here.

I haven't told Mokuba of my plan yet. I don't want to get his hopes up for nothing. He doesn't need the disappointment. I could live with it. He is another story however. He is only 4. They don't deal well with disappointment.

4/16/94

And the day of my future providers' arrival comes closer. Tomorrow I will either be getting laughed at because of my incompetent challenge; or I will have a new provider. Perhaps you find it interesting that I call him my provider rather than my father or step-father. This is for one simple reason: I have never had a father. I have only had people in my life who give me food and a roof over my head. No one I have seen yet has earned the title father.

"Well…how dramatic. I guess he always fit the category for over dramatization didn't he." Joey said before bursting out into laughter. He was, however, the only one. Everyone else, including Serenity and Tristan glared at him. 'Wha'?" Joey looked truly confused.

"God Joey. Continue Yugi. Please." Serenity said not looking at her brother.

"You have got be kidding me…..please tell me you're joking."

"You know what Joey…it was bad enough that you talked bad about him when he was alive…I wouldn't have too much of a problem with that because you didn't know any of this. But now that you do know and he is dead you still speak of him like he is scum. If anyone is Scum Joseph Wheeler it's you. You don't speak ill of the dead plain and simple. But knowing what you know makes it even worse. " Serenity turned her head away from Joey with tears in her eyes.

"The guy was a jerk!"

"Continue please Yugi."

Yugi looked back and forth between brother and sister before continuing.

4/17/94

I am now writing from my new bedroom inside the Kaiba mansion. Needless to say I won the chess match. I hope I made the right decision for Mokuba. This place is dangerous. I can feel it and I can see it in Gozoboro's eyes. I swear to anyone who is listening that if Mokuba gets hurt vengeance will be mine and I will wreak havoc on everyone in my path.

Gozoboro asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up. Mokuba made the mistake of answering for me. He said I wanted to open up an amusement park for orphans. Gozoboro threw a fit. He almost hit Mokuba. I have never been so afraid in my life,.

A/N:Okay okay okay okay okay. I know. I'm ending here even though this is so short because y'all have waited long enough for this chapter so here it is. I am SOOOOOOOO sorry. SOOOOOOO sorry this took so long. Please forgive me. :Gets down on hands and knees and begs for forgiveness: Anyway…I'll go start the next chapter now.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, Welcome to chapter three of My Diary. A quick note…I'm not trying to match the dates in this to the dates in the show. I picked a year and am going from there….k? Cool. By the way, there is some violent rape content in this chapter. It's not terribly detailed but for those of you with weak stomachs it is marked. K? Without further delay here is chapter three:

4/22/94

Another night in my life. Gozoboro is getting worse every day. I knew this would happen. Why Mokuba? That's what I want to know. He didn't deserve any of this. I do…not him. I am thinking of sending him back to the orphanage without me. He would be safer there. If only I hadn't promised him we would be together forever. It would be better if I broke my promise though. He would have another chance at the life I want to give him but now never will. I want him to have everything. Listen to me. I want I want I want. What is wrong with me. I should be grateful that I got us out of the orphanage….however, I can't help but wonder if I just made things worse. I am afraid. What is happening? May be things were better before…I am doubting myself . Not a good sign.

Gozoboro has done more than beat me now. He has raped me. The things he said….the things he did….how I responded. I am ashamed of myself. I shouldn't be. It wasn't my fault…or was it? God. I am so lost. I am so confused. I wake up screaming in the night now. I see my mothers death in my mind. I watch Mokuba getting murdered by our stepfather and I don't know what to do. It's all my fault. That's what they tell me. They tell me it's all my fault that this happened.

I can't show my fears of my sadness or pain to Mokuba. He worries about me more than he should. So I will put on a brave face and deal with it. No one will see my emotions until I can figure everything out. This is just a phase. That's what I keep telling myself. It's just a phase. This too will pass…this too shall pass….

5/29/94

What am I going to do? Gozoboro sent Mokuba away to camp for the weekend. He is the only reason I haven't jumped off of my balcony yet. I can't leave him behind. It's getting harder to hang on though. It's getting harder to care about Mokuba. For this I am so ashamed. But with him gone I'm not sure I will be able to remind myself of my love for him. I am so selfish. God…if you exist and have decided to listen to me…protect him when I'm gone because I know I'm not strong enough. I am weak. I will never amount to anything. Gozoboro told me all that. He was right too. I know he was. He just confirmed what I had known all along but always denied myself.

I am still lost. My life is leaving me behind. Everything is moving so fast and I can't keep up. I have no control anymore. This scares me. I would like to have control of at least one thing in my life. Even the smallest thing….

Blood is freeing….My wrists….Never mind. I'll explain later. Gozoboro is coming.

5/01/94

Mokuba came back a day early. His face. If my step-father hadn't been there I would have cried. Three boys at camp, it seems, beat him up because they didn't like that he lives in a mansion. They didn't like that he was rich. This is all my fault. All I wanted to do was help him Make sure he could have anything his heart desired and I failed. No matter where I go I hurt someone…or so it seems.

5/02/94

WARNING: VIOLENT AND DISTURBING CONTENT IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH OR TWO Like I said. Not detailed very much but some may be offended.

Gozoboro raped me again last night. He's been doing it since we arrived. I just haven't been able to bring myself to write about it but for once. He was especially violent last night. I still can barely walk. When he was finished there was blood and cum all over the sheets. I learned that he didn't ejaculate in me last night because he wanted me to lick it up off the sheets.

It was disgusting. The mixture of my blood and his own bodily fluids made me want to gag just by the smell of it. The taste still hasn't gone out of my mouth, nor will it probably for a while no matter how much I brush my teeth. Bitter and disgusting. Just like my step-father. How fitting. Gozoboro enjoys these games of torture.

END OF VIOLENT AND DISTURBING

CONTENT FOR NOW

The pain it causes me seems to be of much pleasure to him. Just recently he chained me to a desk for the day and forced me to write 65 new, completely functional computer software. Not to mention get all of my 25 pages of written work for my tutor done before the day was out. I got all of my homework done but I couldn't finish the software. He beat me worse than ever.

Oh, even more good news. I have begun having seizures. Gozoboro brought in his personal physiciananyone outside would see the damage he has done both to my inside and outside and call him in to examine me. I have a brain tumor and it's possible I have a rare form of cancer growing around my lungs caused by my fathers beatings before Gozoboro. I doubt the cancer but I saw the tumor for myself. I have to be taking medication for the next few months before a home operation.

This enraged Gozoboro so much he beat me for the sixth time today. Usually it's only four or five if I don't complete all of my work to his specificationswhich I have yet to do Here is the order: Once before breakfast; after lunch; after his dinner; and after he gets drunk. Then the fifth sneaks in there whenever he decides I have been an ass enough for the day. The irony. I have to go. Dinner just ended.

Yugi put the diary down. Horror and disgust was on every body's face. Even Joey's. "Do you understand what I have been trying to tell you yet Joey?" Mokuba asked.

"Your brother was a twisted psycho?"

"No!" Mokuba yelled. Tears were in his eyes and his throat was stinging. His nose felt clogged. "You know what Joey, Seto wanted you to know this so that you could forgive him for what he did. And what do you do?"

"How do you know your brother didn't make up most of this crap simply to justify his actions."

"Joey Wheeler," it was Serenity, "I don't care whether or not you liked the man. He is dead now an you WILL respect his memory or so help me God!"

"Sis, I can't believe you of all people are believing this bullshit. That's what it is to. Bull shit." Tears were in Serenity's eyes now to.

"He did this for you Joey. He didn't do it for us. He did it for you and all you can say is it's bullshit. Honestly-he was a nicer guy then he deserved to be. He certainly had more feeling than you are!" she was sobbing now. Mai went over to comfort her. "Yugi, continue." Was all she said as she rocked back and forth with Serenity. Joey rolled his eyes.

"I can't. And Joey-may be you should leave. You are my best friend but I have never met someone so cold and unfeeling. The kid was beaten and raped until the day of his Step-fathers death and who knows what happened to him after that. He had a tumor which no one from the outside could ever know about because CPS would take him and Mokuba away, which would make all of this a waste of time and all you can fucking say about it is it's BULLSHIT!" Everyone looked surprised to see this coming out of sweet innocent little Yugi's mouth.

"May be I should leave! This is to sappy for me anyway!"

"Joey! Sit down. Kaiba wrote this for you and you are not walking out on it now." Tristan yelled. Joey glared but sat down. Yugi passed the book to Mokuba who began to read. No emotion was detectable in his voice. Only in his eyes.

5/03/94

And my life goes on. I feel strange. Like a constant feeling of de ja voo A/N:does anyone know how you spell that? Everyday is the same. Raping, beating, screaming, yelling. Why do I do it. The answer is always the same. Mokuba.

I am ashamed of myself . Sometimes, I don't think Mokuba is worth the hell I am enduring. And sometimes, a secret I will only confide in you, I wish he understood what I am going through so that he can everything. He will never understand. Hopefully thats a good thing.

Nothing much else has been going on in my life. I have nothing to say. My surgery is coming up soon. What will Gozoboro want done extra, I wonder.

Well, I must go. Gozoboro is screaming. Write when I can

a/n: I am soooooooo sorry I haven't updated in like a year now…I have had most of this chapter done…I still don't consider it done but here it is. Tell me what you think. Any ideas of what should come next? Things from Setos past I don't know about….if im not given ideas it could be another year wait….:eek: Okay, sorry about the shortness. Going now. Bye


	4. Chapter 4

7/17/94

Imagine a place where there are no doors. Happiness is a distant, almost sir real dream. Something you think you may have felt once, and the knowledge that you were once happy drives you insane. A place where no hope exists. If you can bother to imagine all of that, you will have a small glimpse of how I live my life from day to day.

I had my surgery a week ago. The dangerous part of the tumor is gone, but according to the bumbling idiot that Gozoboro hired it may grow back. Stress induced, they say. Though they are having troubles imagining what I have to be stressed about. The irony.

I am rapidly losing my sanity. I want to kill myself because as far as I am concerned death would be a blessing. To get myself through all of this so I can be here for Mokuba, I have begun writing songs. There is a grand piano in my room, mother taught me how to play before she died and I have begun figuring out where she left off. I put piano music to my songs. You may wonder where I get the time. Well, I don't sleep anymore. The nightmares are too consistent and too painful for me to sleep so, after Gozoboro passes out, I write and I play. It may seem dumb or pathetic but it helps. For a few hours I can forget where I am and be where I want to be. It's freeing, God, could I be more weak?

Mokuba drew me a Duel Monsters Card. The Blue Eyes White Dragon. I promised someday we would fly away from here on the wings of a dragon. I have to stop promising him things and giving him hope. He will come to always expect disappointment from me and in time he would come to hate me. Maybe it would be best. It would make it easier for him to leave me and be the person I always knew he could have been had I not brought us here

I once confided in Mokuba that I wished I were a dragon. They are pure power and strength. They have no weakness' and when there is famine or drought or other hard times they just fly away. That is what I wish more than anything. That I could take Mokuba and fly from here. Someday I will have the power of the dragon…

6/14/00

It has been six years since I last wrote. Two days after my previous entry Gozoboro found my diary and took it. He said it showed weakness to confide in a diary. It is weakness to have emotion at all, he said. But Gozoboro is dead now. I killed him.

We were in his office on the 105th floor of the Kaiba Corp. building. He tried to hit Mokuba. I had found a way to own 49 of the company and Mokuba owned an extra 2. I am not proud to say I hurt Mokuba to get the 49. Gozoboro was certain that Mokuba would side with him…and then he would have killed me. But Mokuba gave his two percent to me…meaning I owned the majority of the company Gozoboro had built from scratch. As a result, Gozoboro tried to attack Mokuba. Years of beatings, rapes, nightmares, work and torcher all built up came out and I ran at Gozoboro and pushed him out the window. I heard him scream all the way down until he was cut off. Security are smart, they know the repercussions of telling what happened…we all agreed it was a suicide. That's what the papers are reporting. Smart of them if I do say so myself, of course. And now, at 16 years old I own a multi-national corporation. My "fathers" company was war weaponry. I have converted it to a gaming corporation.

The ironic thing is I don't want this company. I never wanted this company. But if I have it, Mokuba will never want for anything. He will always be satisfied. That is what matters. Some would say it's crazy that I place the value of his life over my own but, how can I not?

Everything hurts now. My mind, my body. Everything. Gozoboro took away my will to live. I realize too late that, the day that Gozoboro adopted us a part of me died. A part of my soul that gave me hope and aloud me to love. I will never love anyone but Mokuba. I can't because no one will ever love the facade that I put on to show the world I'm strong. To them, I seem cold, heartless and numb to everything. If they could read my thoughts maybe they would think differently. The strange thing about it, though, is that regardless of what I tell people, all I really want is to be able to be there for someone and have them be there for me. To be able to hold them and care about them. Be with someone forever. And it'll never happen….Oh what a conundrum my life is.

I had a horrible nightmare last night. Not even a nightmare, a memory being relived in sleep. I can't get it out of my head…its so distracting to me I figure I should write it down so I can work.

I was ten years old, in my bedroom crawling into bed after a long day of attempting to keep Gozoboro happy. I heard the door to my bedroom door creak open. Everything goes black and then he was on top of me. My pants were around my ankles and he was…raping me for the first time. I begged for mercy from him.

"God, no. Please." I cried, which only angered Gozoboro and turned him on more. He was easily aroused by crying, screams and begs of mercy. I didn't figure that out till later, however.

In his deep voice Gozoboro said, "Call me father, boy" It was a warning.

"F…father…p…please. Don't! It hurts! What do you want from me?" I screamed as the pain got worse. Even in the dream the pain was real.

"Oh, but Seto. Don't you know?" He whispered in my ear and grunted as he picked up his pace. I closed my eyes as tightly as I could, but didn't answer.

"I…want….you!" he said between breaths and grunts; spitting out "you" as I felt my inside fill up with warm disgusting liquid. He crawled off of me and I woke. Mokuba was standing over me, crying and trying to shake me awake. He said that I was screaming in my sleep. Talking into different voices. He is still too young to understand what was happening. He doesn't know what Gozoboro put me through until the day he died…and if I have my way he never will. In that moment, I realized that no matter how long Gozoboro stays in Hell, I will never escape him. Never…

6/15/00

In the time since Gozoboro took the diary I learned 4 languagesItalian, Japanese, Russian and German They come in handy in business deals. I have also learned the guitar. I have even considered recording some of the music that I write. But I don't and never will have enough time so, instead, I have made it my mission to master the game of Duel Monsters. There are rumors that Pegasus, one of my business associates, will be holding a tournament of the best duelists in the world on one of his islands. He will be offering cash, rare cards, and the most important prize of all: the title of number one duelist in the world. Knowing Pegasus, if there are all ready rumors he has all ready began construction and plans for this tournament. I will win that tournament. Part of me…has to.

Tea paused reading the diary and looked up. Her eyes had bags under them and she looked as if she were going to cry. Yugi took her hand in his. Serenity sniffled.

"He only wanted to be the best so he could feel accomplished at something that mattered to him… he needed it to be happy…." She said. Serenity laughed.

"Leave it to the girls to create a whole bunch of bull drama, huh Tristan?" Tristan didn't respond and Joey turned back to his sister. "Are you kidding me, sis? He wanted to be the best because he had to dominate everything he was involved in. He was a self-absorbed jack-ass and its better for everyone that he's dead. Finally out of our hair. No more vanity duels. No more poor jokes or dog jokes. And Mokuba can finally be a decent human being instead of Kaiba's little puppet" Silence fell on the room momentarily. Mokuba stood up, hands clenched in fists at his sides. "So that's what you think of my brother, huh Joey? Good to know." Tears were streaming down his face, over flowing from his eyes as he continued: "MY BROTHER IS DEAD AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS IT'S FOR THE BEST! DON'T YOU GET IT YET JOEY? HE HATED HIMSELF. HE HATED EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. HE HATED WHO HE HAD TO BE BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE ANOTHER CHOICE. IT WAS ALL HE KNEW HOW TO DO! HE BLAMED HIMSELF BECAUSE OUR STEP-FATHER WAS A FUCKING PEDAFILE WHO WAS IN LOVE WITH SETO'S BODY! HE BLAMED HIMSELF BECAUSE HE WAS BEATEN UNTIL HE PASSED OUT! AFTER ALL HE MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG! HE ALMOST DIED FROM EVERYONE OF THOSE BEATINGS! BUT HE LIVED THROUGH IT ALL EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN'T WANT TO! HE WENT THROUGH HELL UNTIL THE DAY HE DIED AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS IT'S LONG OVER DUE?" Joey stood up and kicked his chair back.

"WELL IF HE LIVED THROUGH HELL THEN ITS BEST FOR HIM AS WELL AS US THAT HE'S DEAD THEN ISN'T IT! He had you on a string until the day he died. He was a jackass that didn't deserve to live." Joey shouted back. Yugi gasped and Mokuba sank to the floor and sobbed into his kness.

"Joey…" Tristan sounded awe-struck.

"No, Tristan. All you are buying into the lies that money bags invented about how hard his life was after his parents died to justify his actions. His real father killed himself because even he couldn't stand that selfish little bastard another second longer. Kaiba was a drama-queen. My dad beat me all the time and I turned out just fine."

"No, Joey, you didn't." Yugi said to the ground.

Tristan glared at Joey and said : "You should just leave, Joe. Seto wanted you to know this. You more than anyone else in this room. But even after hearing all of this…all you can do is bitch about what a horrible life that you had growing up. You were never raped period, non-the-less by seven different guys in one night, you were never stabbed, shot, poisoned or any of the other shit that Seto went through, and you still have the nerve to compare your life with his? To Kaiba, your life was a dream." Tristan shook his head. Not in anger, just dissapointment.

"I can't believe this. My best friends are turning against me."

"Oh, shut-up Joey and sit your ass down. You are going no where until this diary is done. If you still think nothing of Kaiba when this is done, fine. No one in this room cares anymore. You are just dissapointing. But I want you to hear what he says when you come into his life. May be the reason he wanted you to hear all this was because he didn't hate you as much as he let on. Someone else take the book. I can't read right now." She put the diary down and moved next to Mokuba, cradling him and rocking him. Serenity picked the diary up and continued.

6/17/00

I have three of the 4 blue eyes white dragon cards. I have tracked down the fourth finally. It belongs to an old man here in Domino who owns a game shop. I will pay him off like the others. Easily done… human beings are so predictable.

I have been working on developing holographs and incorporationg it into dueling arenas for the theme park which I did actually open. It creates a more realistic feel in the game. I am just having some trouble getting all the bugs out.

I saw my physician today. She said I need more sleep and I should eat more. I laughed. Clearly she has never owned a multi-national corporation. You know longer have time for such little things as eating and sleeping. It wasn't a total waste of time. I found out my cancer is back. I forgot to mention previously that for two of the years that Gozoboro had my diary I had cancer. I'm just a healthy guy aren't I? I will be starting chemotherapy tomorrow. Good news is that I probably won't lose my hair so unless they tell me there is nothing they can do for me there is no need for Mokuba to know. He would just worry about me, and that's just ridiculous.

I am scared for him though. More than I have ever been for anyone. He passed out yesterday. He stopped breathing. I did CPR, but it didn't at first work. It took 5 minutes for me to revive him. Doctors would have given up earlier…but I can't let him go. I can only pray he hasn't developed our fathers disease. I wouldn't be able to handle it if he…if he died. Especially if I had to watch him die. I'm terrified and I don't know what to do. I've never feared that anyone I loved would die…I could handle it after my parents died. Even with Emily I didn't fear her death…but Mokuba. The one thing I can't protect him from may be coming to get him. I'm losing control…God I wish someone could help me.

I won't be writing much coming up in the near future. Work.

7/17/00

My body isn't responding to the chemo this time around. What a shocker. They want to up the dose. If it doesn't take they won't be able to keep increasing the dose so, I will have to tell Mokuba. One of two conversations I don't want to have with him. The other being about his own death. My problem is, I am too selfish. I don't want to tell him because I couldn't handle the crying. In truth, I know that even if I find out I will die, I could be on my death bed and wouldn't admit the truth to him. What a lucky little brother he is to have been landed with me.

The old man, Solomon, wouldn't let me have the blue eyes card. Said something about sentimental value. Whatever. I will go back in a few days and…persuade…him to change his mind. I'll challenge him to a duel. He won't stand a chance. At this point I may just take it for spite.

I have to run. Work is calling my name.

8/01/00

The chemo is barely working. My body is responding but only minimally. The doctors are confused because the cancer should be responding better seeing as I have been through this once before. In the hour that I would normally be sleeping I have been reading some of the latest medical journals. I have concluded that it is because my body is constantly exhausted. I don't eat and I don't sleep nearly enough so all of my white blood cells that the chemotherapy would be regenerating are being used to keep my body alive just as fast as they are being generated. The problem is I can't make myself eat. Thinking of eating makes me sick to my stomach, non-the-less the actual action. Don't get me wrong. Occasionally I will eat an energy bar…enough to keep me alive but not enough to help my body too much. Damn health is getting complicated these days.

I went back and dueled the old man, Solomon. I won. Though, admittedly, it was a good fight. I ripped up the blue eyes card that I won. He couldn't handle that. He fell to the ground and one of Solomon's grandsons geeky friends, Tea I believe, had to drive him to the hospital. The grandson, Yugi, dueled me for his grandfather. To avenge him or something like that. He pulled Exodia, just when I was sure I would win. I have to give it to the midget, he's a good duelistconsidering he is like 4 feet tall When he won, though. Something strange happened. Everything got dark and cloudy around me. I was alone…except for Gozoboro who was staring at a ten year old me. All I could do was stare. And then I collapsed. An older looking, taller, Yugi was standing across from me. He said something about banishing the evil within me. Then everything got light and I saw my mother . She was playing with me in the park when I was younger. She was still pregnant with Mokuba. Our father sat on a bench and laughed as he watched us. Then I woke up. I was on my knees across from the holographic dueling table I had built which I was sure would give me an advantage over Yugi.

The funny thing about what happened is that…Yugi doesn't know that there is nothing but darkness left inside of me. The light died along with my hope when Gozoboro came into my life and took my innocence from me. I could feel his power and had there been anything good left inside of me part of me believes he could have banished it. The rest of me knows better. The power stemming from him was so familiar to me but also very foreign.

I will re-duel Yugi and I will win. He will probably bring his posse of friends…more specifically a blonde hair idiot called Joey. He's obnoxious but…Yugi is lucky to have him with him. In a way so am I. I now have someone to pick on. Write from the hospital later.

A/N: There you go. I have been on a writing spree about my darling Seto lately. I know I skipped Death T but I wasn't sure how to incorporate it. Duelist Kingdom will be easier because he didn't actually participate until the end. Battle City…I can't describe in detail everything that happened but it will be there…Then after he flew to Egypt and I am deciding whether or not to include the Pyramid of Light incident considering I don't have many more years for Seto to live. The diary went back 14 years and started in '91 so he has to die in 2005 Here is my time line for his life "events" thus far

6 years old

9 and 10 years old

16- Death T

17- Duelist Kingdom/

18- Battle City

2003-19-Dartz

2004-20-Pyramid of Light/ Gets sick again

2005-21-dies

Its just a tentative layout…but yeah. REVIEW. Advice and other help welcome. Lots of Love

E. E.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N:Disregard the outline from my last chapter. I won't be following it.

8/02/00

The doctors kept me overnight for observation. It's my own damn fault. They were running some routine blood tests and I went into cardiac arrest. Why? No one knows. They have all spent the majority of their lives studying this profession, yet none of them can tell me what is going on with my body. Why am I paying them?

I can tell you why my body is failing. Because I don't care anymore. I just don't. Why should I? My life means nothing, so my body is shutting itself down a piece at a time. How long will this take? I need to know because I need to know when I have to tell Mokuba. He is spending the night at a friends so he has no idea that I am here or that I had to stay here. If he gets home and I am not there, he will assume I am at work and don't want to be disturbed. Once again, I get lucky.

I received my invitation to Duelist Kingdom today. That is what Pegasus is calling his tournament. I would participate but I don't have time. I have three new products coming out in the next four months and the testing isn't complete on one of them. I am working on new Virtual Technology to put players in their games; I have back to back meetings with people who want to be investors and other companies who I will be buying out and taking over. I don't have time to play this game. Unfortunately. Whoever wins this tournament will be crowned as the World's Greatest Duelist. Which I am. I supposed I will challenge whoever wins his little duel to a quick match after he wins and claim the title for myself. It's less messy that way and will take less time.

Did I mention that the doctors here won't let me turn on my lap top? Do they know who I am? I have to sit here writing in this diary(which I am still baffled as to why I keep), my skin is itching from the lack of things to do with my hands. I have far too many things to do to sit here waiting for them to tell me that they still don't know what's wrong with me. Then I will have to throw around insults and bribes in order to leave.

These nuisances' are getting monotonous.

8/02/00-8/03/00

I am writing again on my way home from work.

I was right. The doctors have no reason why I am still not responding to Chemo. At this point I don't care. I have put my estates in order. Mokuba will receive everything and the big 5 will take control of my company until Mokuba is 18 and old enough to take care of it, should he so choose.

They also have no reason why my heart is failing. Yes, failing. Not just that it failed once. My heart is gradually getting weaker and will continue to do so. Now it's a race for time. Which will kill me first? The cancer or the heart?

You know what I find vaguely amusing?

There are those who would claim that I have no heart. But now it's killing me.

I have to talk to Mokuba about what is going on with me. He deserves to be ready. I don't want him to worry, but if I keep disappearing he will worry anyway. He found out I wasn't at work and panicked. That's not a good thing for his condition.

He doesn't have cancer. We were fortunate in that. The day he stopped breathing he was just very sick.

He had contracted a virus on one of his school trips. I would have sued the people who were clearly abandoning their health code violations, but I didn't. Upon Mokuba's request. I did raise hell, however. Hopefully no one will ever have to suffer because of their carelessness ever again. He was on antibiotics for a little less than a month and in and out of the hospital, but he's okay now.

I'm home.

Time for the most difficult discussion of my life.

08-03-00

I told him. He's crying. He's terrified. The conversation went something like this:

I walked into his room quietly and sat beside him on the bed. He looked so peaceful in sleep, I didn't want to wake him. But I knew I had to.

I stroked his thick, wild black hair and he twisted over onto his back. In his sleep he grabbed my hand and pressed it to his chest. I looked into the gentle face of the only person I had ever really loved; the face of the only person who ever loved me.

"Hey. Mokuba." I shook him awake. It was more difficult than usual to keep my mask on. I knew what would happen and I didn't want it to. Suddenly, I wished more than anything else in this entire world that I could take back the last couple years. Mokuba never really smiled around me anymore. Not like he used to. And it was my fault. I had abandoned him. Physically, I have always been there. But it hit me suddenly that that wasn't enough.

But I didn't know who else to be. I knew how to be cold. I knew how to hide emotion. I didn't know how to tell someone that I loved them. How could I tell my brother that he was losing yet another family member? How could I make him a true orphan.

"Seto?" Mokuba asked me, his voice was thick with sleep as he rubbed his eyes and sat up.

"Hey little brother." I said.

"You're home?"

"For an hour or so."

"Oh." He said, looking down. Then, "What's wrong?"

"We need to talk Mokuba." I kept my face cold.

"Okay."

"Do you remember a few years ago when I was really sick while Gozoboro was still alive? The doctor had to come in and I had an operation, and then I had to do chemotherapy a few years later and I was really weak for a long time?"

"Yes?" His voice went up. He could feel what was coming.

"I had a tumor. Then cancer was there without a mass. I have been in remission for a few years now. But the cancer is back. And I'm not responding to chemotherapy."

"What? What are you saying?" His mind was denying what it couldn't face. I continued.

"And, along with that my heart is dying. They don't know why any of this is happening. They give me about six months. If that."

"No. No. You're lying. You have to be." Mokuba was becoming hysterical now.

"I'm not."

"But you're Seto Kaiba! You can't die. You're my big brother. Nothing stops you! You can't be dying. You can't be. You can't you can't you can't!" Mokuba curled into a ball, grabbed his hair and started rocking himself back and forth. Angry tears streamed down his face.

I tried to hug him. I even got close. But I just couldn't do it. Instead, I patted his shoulder awkwardly. He shrugged me off.

"You aren't even going to fight it, are you?!" He yelled at me.

"What are you talking about?" Mokuba sat up and glared at me.

" You aren't even going to try to live are you?! You are going to just continue working as though nothing is wrong until you die!"

"It's not my fault. My body is killing me. There is nothing I can do."

"People come back from illness' nobody thinks they can all the time! And they aren't you! You're never defeated! But now you are just giving up!"

"Mokuba…"

"No! Go away!" He crawled under his blankets. I stood and walked to the doorway, turning to look at him again. I heard his sobbing and it hurt my heart. This was my fault.

"I love you." I whispered. I knew he wouldn't hear me but I couldn't make myself speak louder.

I'm a horrible person.

******

Serenity placed the diary down.

"I can't read this anymore." She said, whispering.

"Mokuba, you always knew that your brother loved you, didn't you?" Yugi asked. "He gave up his soul trying to save you, he almost died trying to get you in the duel against me at Duelist Kingdom. He tried so hard to keep you safe. That was all that mattered. You knew that, right?"

"Yes." Mokuba whispered, hoarse.

"Good."

"I wish I had told him though."

"I think he knew." Tea said, quietly, still holding onto Mokuba.

Tristan picked up the diary.

*********

8-06-00

Mokuba still won't talk to me. He's angry at me for giving up. He wants me to be strong. He wants me to be perfect. But I can't. I have been strong since I was six years old. Since I was ten I have been taught that power is everything and people are nothing. I have been beaten until I couldn't move, I have been thrown through windows and into walls. I have been raped by seven people in one night, all taking their time and all loving to torture their "prey" I have been the CEO of a company since I was sixteen years old.

When do I get a break?

That's weak, I know. The thing I can't stand more than anything in this world is weakness. And here I am. Things could be worse for me.

May be Mokuba is right. May be I am weak for giving up. May be I am pathetic. May be he has the right to be angry at me.

So what do I do?

Do I give up and let myself die? Do I leave Mokuba alone? I've taught him to be strong. But is that fair to him? And if I do that, then how do I spend my time? Do I let the Big Five take over now and do the things that I have always wanted? Or do I continue working? Do I pretend everything is okay until one day I fall asleep and don't wake up?

That makes me realize something…

I don't have a list of things that I want to do. On paper or in my head. I haven't had the time ever. I have the money, but that's because I give up my time to keep things that way.

I honestly don't know what I would do with my life. May be spend it with Mokuba. Do the things he wants to do with his life before he dies…

So that's my first option.

My second is to fight. Hire experts from around the world. I have never been one for positive thinking healing the body, but it is worth a try. I could try and find the will to live. It would give me a better chance to build up more for me to leave to Mokuba. If I work hard enough, may be after I die he will never have to work again. He can sell the company and let someone else do with it as they will. My savings plus what the company is worth…his children's children will be set for life.

I guess that decides it. I have to fight. For Mokuba's sake more than my own. He will be my will now, as he has always been, as he will always be.

8-10-00

I talked to Mokuba. I am now forgiven as far as I know. He is sitting in the office with me again, reading and watching television and doing homework like he always did before. He is laughing again. Still not like he used to, and I can still see the pain in his eyes. He doesn't want to lose me and he doesn't know whether or not to believe that I will really fight for survival. May be he sees the doubt in my own eyes.

Tomorrow is our semi-annual brother day.

We both take off of school on a Friday and spend the day together doing whatever Mokuba wishes. I am supposed to take off of work, but my phone sends me e-mails and other updates that I need. I also usually take my laptop and check it once or twice an hour for any problems that may arise.

I take off from writing software and meetings and the like, however. So it almost counts as a day off in Mokuba's eyes. It's an entire day off in mine.

I have never really looked forward to this day. A day that I could be being productive is wasted at amusement parks or shopping or(and this is my least favorite) sometimes he just likes me to drive. And that's what we do. We drive until he finds somewhere he wants to stop and then we stop. We do whatever he wants until he gets bored and then we drive some more. Then we rent a few movies and he picks out an insane amount of sweets and we watch movies until he falls asleep. Saturday I take a half day and then we do another four hours of whatever he wants.

I told Mokuba I don't want to do this once because of the lack of productivity and he said something I disregarded at the time, but now it seems very wise.

He said, "You're so silly big brother. As smart as you are, there are a lot of things you just don't get."

"And what's that, little brother?" I asked him, only half listening while I typed away on my computer.

"Being productive doesn't translate into "working all the freaking time" Being productive just means you aren't sitting on your butt all day. As long as you are doing something it can be counted as being productive. But you don't get that. Just like you don't get that being rich and powerful doesn't mean you have to be miserable."

"Whatever you say, Mokuba." I told him.

May be he was right.

Have I always been so weak? Really?

In any case, this time I am going to make a choice. I know exactly where I want to take Mokuba. To our parents graves and then the lake where my mother used to bring my father and I for a picnic on summer days before Mokuba was born.

I want to re create one of those picnics with just the two of us.

If I lose this fight, I don't want to die wondering whether or not my little brother knew I loved him. He's all I have. He has to know that.

I hate being weak, but I can show it to my brother for a day. I think. Hopefully I'll be able to take the mask off. It's so much a part of me, I'm not so sure.

We'll see.

8-11-00

Don't tell anybody, but I did actually almost enjoy myself today. Watching Mokuba's face as he realized where we were standing, as he said his own hello's and goodbyes to our parents.

He told me that I had never brought him here before. I hadn't really realized that. But it makes sense. I don't believe in looking at the past. Once our parents were dead and we went to the orphanage, what was the use in looking back? Staring at their graves wouldn't change what had happened. It couldn't bring them back. So what was the purpose.

But my brother thanked me. He doesn't remember our real father and I have no reason to tell him what happened.

He thanked me.

I don't know why and I don't understand it. But he thanked me. I also don't know why it means so much to me. But it does.

The lake was much more beautiful than I had remembered.

It was a beautiful summer day. The grass was rich green; the sky was a light blue without a single cloud to ruin the view. The sun was high and gorgeous; the slightest breeze blew through the air. The lake itself was perfectly still, like glass.

This was one of the few lakes that the city bothered to keep clean. I paid people very well to make sure that happened. And it was certainly worth the money. The lake was a lighter blue than the sky and warm enough to swim in.

I wish I could describe how beautiful it was, but I find myself wanting for the words. But it was beautiful.

Mokuba and I ate his favorite for lunch: peanut butter and jelly and bananas. Then we went for a swim. I can't remember the last time I swam. It was good though. Cleansing.

Then, we lay in the sun. The nice thing about Mokuba is that he doesn't feel the need to fill silence with conversation. He's like me. Content with the quiet.

On the way back we got closer than we had in years.

"Big brother?" he asked me. I glanced over at him and then back to the road. He looked sad.

"What's wrong, Mokuba?"

"Why did we do this?"

"Didn't you enjoy yourself?"

"Well…yes. But, why? You always hate these trips so you always make me choose what we do and you brood the entire time. And you never really stop working. But you did today. Is there something else you want to tell me that you are buttering me up for?" he asked me. A slight surge of guilt passed through me for the first time in years. Was I such a horrible brother that when I did something nice for my brother he doubted my motives.

"No, Mokuba. I just realized that if I am going to be out and off of work I may as well actually enjoy myself. And with everything that has happened lately, I just wanted to show you these places. Because they are special to me and I thought you might enjoy them." I glanced over again to see him staring at me. His eyes narrowed. The surge of guilt shot through me again. He was suspicious of me. I didn't blame him. Even while I was talking about enjoying myself, my voice was still monotone. I could have been reading from a grocery list.

This was so hard.

"I'm serious Mokuba. There is nothing else I want to say to you."

"You are still going to…f..fi…"

"I called around last night. I have meetings with the world's top most experts on Oncology. They are going to review my files and run some of their own tests. Then we will go from there. They are going to do what they can."

"And if they can't help you?"

"Then I will keep calling and keep pulling strings until we find someone who can. You don't think I could leave you alone do you."

I awkwardly ruffled his hair with one hand. He giggled happily.

If anyone asks, I will tell them that it was just my obligation as a big brother. That I didn't enjoy myself because I wasn't being productive in my own definition. I can't afford to look weak. If you look weak then people move in on you and take over. No one wants that.

But this is a day I won't forget. One of the few decisions I know I won't regret.

08-20-00

I had to leave work early today. Obviously, I took as much work home with me as I could, but I was feeling sick. I started to throw up in the bathroom attached to my office. I could hardly stand after the bout of nausea passed.

I stood up, straightened myself and wiped the cold sweat off of my brow. I told my secretary that I would be going home. She looked at me, dumbfounded. Since Gozoboro started taking me in to work at the company, I had never taken a day off or left early with the exception of Mokuba and I's days together every few months. I was the first in and the first out.

She was, however, smart enough not to mention anything.

I left her with some work I needed typed up and told her to forward all of my calls to my cell phone. It was much easier to screen them that way.

I kept my composure out to the car. Barely.

My limo driver-what is his name again?-offered to take me home. I told him no and climbed into my car.

I could hardly breathe. My heart was tense and my lungs refused to expand. 'Maybe I should let him take me home' I thought to myself. But I didn't. Some would say it was pride. I would disagree.

I started the car, taking deep breaths while I drove home.

I parked in my enormous driveway and stepped out of the car. I fell to the ground. Everything was fuzzy, but I heard my shallow breathing in the back of my mind.

"Moki..." I heard myself whisper.

Then everything went fuzzy.

I woke several hours later in the hospital. Mokuba was asleep in the chair beside my bed.

"Mokuba?" I whispered. My voice was thick, and it hurt to speak.

"S-seto?" Mokuba mumbled in his sleep; he tried to turn over and that startled him awake. He saw me looking at him and jumped onto my bed. He wrapped his short arms around me, laying on my stomach.

"I'm so glad you're okay!" He sobbed. I didn't tell him that if this was okay, I didn't want to know what not okay was.

"Yeah. I'm okay." I whispered. "What happened?"

"You collapsed in the driveway after work. One of the staff found you and called the police. You've been out for almost thirty-six hours." Mokuba said, a little bit of hysteria creeping into his voice.

"Where's my doctor?" I asked.

"I'm right here." A tall, blonde man in a white coat walked into my room. I weakly pulled Mokuba off of me.

"Will you leave us alone, Mokuba?" I asked him in my tone that told him I wasn't really asking. He nodded, looking betrayed and sulked out of my room.

"Dr. Stone." I said, coldly.

"Bad news, Mr. Kaiba." He told me, turning on the light board and putting up some x-rays. I could tell what they said.

"The mass is back on your lungs. And it's metastasized to your heart. We have to do a biopsy. We aren't hopeful, however. It looks like it's going to be inoperable. There is nothing we can do."

"I will be calling in a second opinion." I told him. I promised Mokuba that I would talk to experts. So I would talk to every oncologist on the planet until they had all told that there was nothing that could be done.

Dr. Stone nodded, guessing the direction of my thoughts.

"After the biopsy?"

"Yes."

"I took the liberty of scheduling you in for tomorrow afternoon. We have to fast you for twelve hours before we can go in. You know the procedure." Dr. Stone had been my doctor before when Gozoboro was still alive.

"Yes. "

"The wet sponges are over on the table. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon." He told me. I nodded. I crawled out of bed and walked to the window.

When did my life get so out of control? When Gozoboro died, all of this was supposed to be over. Mokuba and I were supposed to be free. At least to a degree. But everything just keeps going downhill. I guess Gozoboro turned me into exactly what he wanted. A machine. And every time I veer off of that and begin to feel human, something happens.

May be that is the key. May be if I forget all of this "emotional" bullshit everything will be better again. Mokuba may resent me for being a machine but I will have kept my promise. I will be alive longer than the next few months. He should be used to it by now, anyway, right? I've been hiding any human in me for the last seven years. Probably longer and I just didn't realize it.

In fact, I've been hiding it for so long, I'm pretty sure there isn't a whole lot left.

When you lie to people long enough, you start to believe it yourself.

Mokuba is probably on his way back and he doesn't know I write in a journal. If he did, he would want to read it. And I can't have that.

I'll write again when I have the time

8-24-00

The surgery went well. Another scar over the other one. Not a big deal. Dr. Stone was right, though. The tumor was back and it had moved to my heart. It was taking up so much of my heart, in fact, that they couldn't operate because they couldn't be sure that there would be enough of my heart left after the operation.

One of the specialists I talked to said that there is a new procedure where they can replace the pieces of my heart with bovine heart muscle. It's new and kind of experimental. But I have to try.

I promised Mokuba.

I haven't told him what's going on yet. He knows something is wrong and he knows I was in surgery. Obviously. That one would be a little too difficult to explain. I could, but…why?

So he keeps asking me questions. I keep shrugging him off. He's getting angry. I all ready had a conversation like this less than a month ago. I don't want to do it again. I can't handle the crying again.

Selfish? Yes. Probably. But he all ready knows I'm dying. What else is there to say?

Hey bro. I'm still dying. Just of something else now. Now not only is my heart dying and I have cancer, but they have now merged. Now, the cancer is eating my dying heart. Now finish your cheerios? Give me a break.

I'm a coward. But I don't know what else to be. I have never been someone to shirk away from something troubling. But this is different.

This is my brother. This is his life as much as mine.

Damnit.

*****

Tristan stopped reading, looking up from the diary. Even Joey had nothing to say to this last set of diary entries.

"What happened, Mokuba? I mean, he lived for another seven years. He seemed fine at all the tournaments." Tea asked him.

"May be you weren't paying attention. Do you remember his last tournament with the German brothers who kept causing problems?"

"Yeah."

"Remember how I told you that he wasn't going to be participating because he had too much work to do? That was partially true. But he was also too sick to participate. He hated to admit it. Especially to himself. But he was under too much pressure getting three new patents done, and working on all new technology. He was too stressed. So we agreed that he would stop do hard core work while the tournament was on so he could watch what everyone was doing. He was looking for the hacker but he gave his body a chance to rest. He wasn't fine. He just wanted to look that way. Needed to look that way." Mokuba said, quietly.

"How are you doing with all of this Mokuba? We have all been so focused on your brother's diary. How are you?" Serenity asked.  
"I don't want to talk about me. Just read." He said, looking stunningly like his brother. As Yugi picked up the diary to read again, a small, aged piece of paper fell out of somewhere in the back.

It was the Blue Eyes White Dragon that Mokuba had drawn years earlier for his big brother to remind him what he was fighting for. A small tear ran down Mokuba's face.

Yugi started to read

******

8-26-00

I talked to Mokuba. Surprisingly, this worked better than the last time.

"Mokuba." I started the conversation. He could tell I was ready to tell him what was going on. Or, as ready as I would ever be.

"Yes." He looked up from a piece of writing he had been working on.

"You want to know what happened. The truth." I stated.

"Would be a nice change of pace." He muttered, bitterly.

"The operation was a biopsy. They were looking closer at my heart. The tumor I had a few years ago is back. And it's moved from my lungs to my heart. That could be the reason I was having heart problems. The tumor just wasn't big enough for them to see." This was a lie. The tumor didn't cause my cardiac arrest. I had asked and they had denied it. They still didn't know why my heart had suddenly failed or what was causing it to die. And they hadn't done any scans to see if it was a tumor before. They hadn't even checked to see if the cancer was to blame.

Why in the hell am I still paying these people?

"How long?" he asked.

"There is something a surgeon wants to try."

Mokuba continued to question me with his concern and never ending curiosity. He's worried about me. He shouldn't be.

I won't let him down.

I can't.

Hey guys, sorry its been so long. I have lost all of my documents….all of the chapters to my other stories and such that I had written were lost on my computer when it crashed. I finally got a laptop but it's taken me a while to get the motivation to start over. But I promise I'm back. And it actually turned out to be a good a thing because this chapter is much better than the previous ones. The next chapter will be up in a week or two. I am re-watching the Duelist Kingdom stuff so I can have my facts straight….or straighter. Haha.

Let me know what you think.


	6. Duelist Kingdom

8-28-00

Everything has changed. I have been trying desperately to ignore it, but I can't anymore.

Ever since Yugi beat me I feel as though something is missing. I lost a piece of myself. I don't know how to describe it. I wish I did. All I know-is everything is different now.

I have to go away for a little while. I feel guilty about abandoning Mokuba right now. But I have to do this. He retains his confidence in me as being the best. I wish I could share in that certainty. I don't know who I am anymore.

I left Mokuba with his favorite card. I hope he can forgive me.

This is all just too much right now.

8-29-00

I flew my private jet out to the Kaiba Corp private island. I keep going over the duel with Yugi in my head wondering if there was something I could have changed. I have run it over a dozen times in my head and it still doesn't make any sense. How was a kid who came out of nowhere able to beat a champion like me. Someone who has dueled hundreds of times against every possible type of opponent in every possible type of situation. Except one. I have run computer simulations, done quantum analysis, probability scenarios and I still can't make it make sense.

I had the upper hand. My Blue Eyes White Dragon had ripped through his defenses. There was nothing he could do to stop me.

And despite all odds and with complete faith in his grandfather's deck-what did he call it? The heart of the cards- He was able to draw the one card that would assure his victory.

I've always believed that duel monsters was a game of sheer power, but Yugi claims that the cards have a heart. It sounds crazy, I know. But could Yugi be right? Could the cards have a heart that can affect the outcome of a duel? Is that how he won? The only way I can be sure is to face Yugi again.

I have designed portable holo-generators that will enable me to duel Yugi wherever I find him. They use the same technology as the arena's I designed but much smaller.

On a different note, the nausea from the residual chemo is not making this task any easier and I can tell that my heart is working far too hard.

What else do you suppose is going to happen today?

Later 8-29-00

Pegasus sent his goons after me. While I was working on the portable duel disks, they knocked at my door. I don't know how he found me but I will find out.

I took my brief case and jumped out the window. I'm sure those buffoons don't think I could possibly survive that jump. And if I did, the swim. But clearly, I did. Unfortunately, they have my deck

Pegasus has no idea who he is dealing with.

8-30-00

Pegasus had some of his carbon copy guards stationed around the mansion and my company headquarters. Figures he would seize my little trip as an opportunity to take me out of the picture and take control of my company.

What he didn't know about was the underground passage half a mile away from the mansion which leads to my own private basement, if you will, with computers linked to the Kaiba Corporation main frame.

The computer, who's personality is a little more strong willed than I had intended it to be(although I would be remiss if I didn't admit I find her amusing)- informed me that if Pegasus can defeat Yugi in a duel, then the new Kaiba board has promised him control. I was also told that after I lost to Yugi, he lost the Exodia cards.

That imbecile.

Pegasus has been informed of the Kaiba Corporation by-laws that state that only a living Kaiba heir to make any change of control legal so he kidnapped Mokuba. And without me there, Pegasus had been putting all sorts of pressure on him to get him to do what he wants.

This is all my fault. If I hadn't left…

This is what I know:

They will keep my brother safe until the takeover is complete. So I have to make sure that Yugi isn't defeated. By Pegasus at least.

If Pegasus thought that I would give Kaiba Corporation up without a real fight, he was sadly mistaken. And he's going to learn that the hard way.

I hacked into Industrial Illusions computer system. It was childs play. That old fool hasn't figured out what he's up against even after all these years.

I remember meeting him two years after we were adopted. It was some benefit I couldn't have cared less about. I was all ready under way to being what Gozoboro wanted me to be: A machine like those he built in his company.

Pegasus was impressed by me-though I was less than blown away by him. Ever since Kaiba Corporation became a gaming company under my control Pegasus has been trying to get his greasy paws on it. It could make him billions. Billions that he doesn't need, but nothing is ever enough for some people.

Every time he has tried to take over my company, he has been defeated in the early stages. Being at war with me has cost him millions. Chump change for people like us, but you would think that it would be enough.

But now he has gone too far.

Nobody messes with my little brother and gets away with it.

After hours of decoding binary and "guessing" it all too obvious passwords, I was in. Of course, all of Yugi's info was extra coded. So I forced his computers into a crash by bringing down Pegasus' satellite. It was kind of satisfying.

My computer and I tried to get into the field where Yugi was playing. It was encrypted with a virus.

Anyone else would have given up. But this was just too important to me.

When we got in I saw something truly insane.

Yugi dueling against…me. And my Blue Eyes. Pegasus is really getting on my nerves.

The short version of what happened next is: I uploaded a virus into the Blue Eyes White Dragon on the field. It worked. For a moment or so. Then we were locked out by Pegasus' system. The Blue Eyes was destroyed but not by the Virus.

It had to be the Heart of the Cards. Yugi was right. I have always felt a strange connection the Blue Eyes White Dragon… But that's insane…isn't it?

Of course it is. Clear your head, Kaiba. Cards are cards. They have no heart. Duel Monsters is a game of power. There is nothing more to it. What happened with the Blue Eyes was a fluke. A computer error. Pegasus should have checked for bugs before he set this little tournament up.

It doesn't matter anyway. Yugi won.

Pegasus' goons found my hiding spot. I got out using another exit I had hidden. But Pegasus still has Mokuba. He will pay.

I can't believe all my business associates would turn on me after a single defeat. Then again losing to Yugi has shaken my self confidence to. May be Yugi was right about putting my heart in the game. But I can't start second guessing myself now. Not when Pegasus has taken my little brother. No, if I am going to beat Pegasus I am going to have to rely on my old dueling instincts. That's the only chance I have of freeing Mokuba. And once Mokuba is safe, I will unleash my wrath on the vultures who conspired to steal my company. If Pegasus thought that I would just sit idly by as he dismantled my lifes work, he was wrong. I'll see to it they all regret crossing Seto Kaiba.

9-4-00

Quite a bit has happened since I was last able to write. For example, Pegasus took me prisoner with my brother. But I am getting a head of myself.

I flew my helicopter out to Pegasus' Island to make him give my brother back. Obviously, things didn't go as planned.

I landed near where Yugi and his little gang of ingrates was camping out. Yugi immediately came up and handed me my deck. He thanked me for my help in his last duel. I didn't know how to respond, in all honestly. In part, I am grateful to Yugi. He has made me look at myself as I have never before. After all, no one has ever beaten me. On the other hand, he took away the title which was rightfully mine, disgraced me in front of not only my company and the world, but in front of my little brother. He has taken away my self-assurance that I was the best at the worst possible time. How much of that can I blame on him, however?

I wonder.

Yugi invited me to "stick" with he and his group while they dueled their way to the castle. He even offered me some of his starchips. For some reason, he seems to think we are friends. Fool. He didn't understand that I wasn't here for some silly competition and had absolutely no interest in being around him for any length of time I could help. The brunette girl is especially annoying, I have found, always preaching about friendship. She did it at our duel just as she was constantly doing at our school. It's almost as ridiculous as Yugi's "heart of the cards" nonsense. I was here for one reason and one reason only. Mokuba. Everyone else was just in my way.

The blonde one tried to threaten me. He is clearly the weakling in the group. I tried to leave him in peace, but he wouldn't leave it alone. So I dueled him. I knew it would be good for my self-confidence as well as it was a good time to try out my dueling technology. Now, granted, a trained dancing dueling monkey would have put up a more difficult fight than this nobody but it did to a degree reaffirm my own belief in myself.

And the technology worked without a hitch. I all ready have some upgrades, however.

I figured something out-Yugi doesn't understand what this was for me. It was war. He may not have liked that I tested my technology out on his little mutt of a friend, but it wasn't personal. It was war. I honestly hoped that Yugi would succeed in what he was searching for but nothing in this entire world could have ever meant to him what Mokuba means to me.

Mokuba is all I have in this world. The only person I can trust. The only thing keeping me even partially human.

After defeating Joey, I headed on to the castle.

I vowed to myself that Pegasus would pay for the pain he had caused my brother and I. Didn't he realize that nothing in this world was going to stop me from getting him back? Well…he would soon find out.

I looked down at the duel card locket that I wore around my neck. It holds a picture of Mokuba; Mokuba has a matching one with me. It's from a chess match we played while we were still at the orphanage.

I promised both him and my mother that I would always be there for him. I would always protect him. And I will. He has always looked up to me; I am, after all, the only parent he has ever really known. Nothing in this entire world means more to me than my little brother. What kind of person would I be if I let him down now, while his life was at stake? I all ready let him down once when I left him alone and vulnerable because of my own self-confidence issues.

A million of these thoughts were running through my head. I felt nothing but determination. No one had ever been able to stop me from getting to my goals before, and I had no intention of losing now. When Pegasus' goons came at me from the forest in front of his castle, I hardly recognized that they were there. I just knew they were in my way. So I got him out of my way and forced him to help me find where Pegasus was keeping Mokuba. Of course, halfway through he triggered some kind of alarm. Predictable, yes. But still very frustrating.

I found him after eliminating a few more roadblocks that were in my way. It killed me to see him that way. He was in a cellar, dirty and chained to the wall. He looked so helpless…But he hadn't given up on me. The kids unwavering faith in me never ceases to astound. I thought that if I could get him out of the cellar we would be in the clear. But nothing is ever that simple, is it?

Pegasus showed up. It took every ounce of strength I had not to break him in half right there for what he had done. But I didn't know what other tricks he had up his sleeve, so I restrained myself. I don't really know what happened next.

Pegasus threatened me, there was a blinding light, and then I looked over and saw that Mokuba's body was limp. Pegasus help up a card that had an image of my little brother on it…he looked scared. I felt all of the blood drain down to my feet.

He made me a deal.

I had to beat Yugi in a duel-something I had been wanting to do anyway- to earn the right to duel Pegasus. I didn't want to do this right now. I just wanted my little brother. But sometimes when you are in someone else's place you have to play their games by their rules. For the first time since Yugi had told me he won by using the "heart of the cards" I knew what he meant. Pegasus had given me a reason to put my heart in the cards.

Obviously, I agreed.

Yugi forced me to goad him into a duel. I didn't want to. In all honestly, I could hardly find the strength to do it. But in my minds eye I could see Mokuba, staring up at me with betrayal in his eyes because I had lost. I had let him down.

So I said whatever I had to until Yugi agreed to duel me. I had lost the edge that my duel disks would have given me if I hadn't fought that sniveling Wheeler before, but Yugi no longer had Exodia. Exodia was the only way Yugi had won before so I knew I had this duel in the bag.

But this duel took some even stranger turns than our first match.

First of all, I noticed something I had realized the first time I dueled Yugi. When he duels, someone else takes over. Yugi himself is too innocent and childlike to duel like he does; but when he is challenged he becomes stronger. More confident. All you have to do is look into his eyes to know that it isn't the same person.

Secondly, I was winning. I had my Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon on the field and nothing in Yugi's deck with an attack power greater than 1500 could be used against me. I was only a few moves away from my victory and a step closer to getting Mokuba back. But then, Yugi used the living arrow card to bind his mammoth graveyard to my dragon and rot it from the inside out. I hadn't seen anything like this coming. Once again, Yugi had shown his talent for coming from behind. But I had too much riding on this duel to lose. I couldn't even attack him because of his wall of furballs defending his lifepoints.

All I could think was 'I've failed him. I've failed Mokuba.' That is when I started hallucinating. I saw Mokuba inside of the rotting Blue Eyes…he was calling out to me. "Please big brother. Help me! You promised!" I couldn't do anything. Then I saw myself at twelve years old. I was trying to get to him…I was running as fast as I could but the dragon wasn't getting any closer and Mokuba was disappearing fast. He kept calling out to me. "Please big brother!" I could hear him screaming at me…I saw his face. And then he was gone. The twelve year old me turned to face me, hatred colored the hallucinations face. "You're rotten to the core, Kaiba. Just like that dragon. It's all your fault! Why Seto? Why didn't you help him!? You promised you would always be there for him! You promised him Seto Kaiba! You promised!" Then he disappeared as well. The world returned to what it was supposed to look like, but I was frozen. I was going to lose. I was going to fail. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't do that to my brother. I had no other choice.

I backed up onto the ledge of the castle. With Yugi's next attack, the blast would throw me backwards and I would fall. There was no way I could survive this fall. I was either going to win, or I was going to die. If I failed my brother, I didn't deserve to live. Dirty tactics, perhaps. But I did what I had to. I can not make myself regret that. Yugi attacked but called his monster off at the last second. Just as I planned. I attacked with the restored head of my Blue Eyes and won. He lay, sobbing on the ground. As sorry as a part of me felt and as much as I understood his pain, I couldn't let him see that.

Tea gave me one of her friendship speeches. "Yugi lost the game but he still has us and what do you have…" But that's just the point isn't it? He may have lost his grandfather, but he still had his friends. Friends-a luxury I couldn't afford. All I had was Mokuba. I couldn't lose him.

I entered the castle ready to face Pegasus and save my brother.

I lost. Obviously. He cheated. I had seen him duel before at a championship tournament a few years back. He used…and I hate to use this term…a magic of some sort. It was much more than just skill. I remember when he pulled a kid out of the audience and had him play the winning moves after Bandit Keith made played his card. He used the same kind of thing on me. He knew every card in my hand, every move I was going to make before even I knew what was going on.

The next thing I knew, everything went dark. I could see nothing. I could feel nothing but the cold. Somewhere in the distance I could hear Pegasus' voice, but it wasn't close enough for me to understand what he was saying. I sat down where I was, closed my eyes and asked Mokuba to forgive me and, for the first time in my life, I prayed. I wanted Mokuba free and I knew the only way that that would happen would be for Yugi to beat Pegasus. I didn't know how he would do it, but the kid had a lot of tricks up his sleeves. But then again, so did Pegasus.

I woke after a time I am still not entirely sure of. I was stiff and I was cold but I knew I had to find Mokuba. I stood, slowly, seeing red when I heard the footsteps of guards coming down the corridors. My instant reaction was to hide, but if I tried to move my legs too fast I knew they would give out from under me. So I waited.

"Pegasus is letting you go." One of the guards spoke, unlocking my cell. I didn't move. This could be another trap.

"My brother?" I asked instead.

"All ready free and with those brats you came to the castle with." I said nothing in response; I took a hesitant step forward out of my cell. So, Yugi won, huh?

"Come with us," the same guard said, turning on his heel. He led me down cold, damp tunnels and out into the fading sunlight. A Kaiba Corp chopper was all ready waiting for me outside.

"Where is Mokuba?" I half-growled. I wanted my brother and I wanted him now.

"He's probably on his way out right now." The guard snapped back. The helicopter pilot leaned out the window and shouted "Mr. Kaiba, we have to get going in five minutes. We're cleared for take off."

"We aren't going anywhere without Mokuba." I shouted back, venom in my tired voice. Then, the gates to the castle opened and I saw Mokuba walking side by side with Yugi.

A small smile touched my lips for the first time in years. Nothing in the world had ever made me as happy as seeing my little brother safe and seemingly happy. The knot in my stomach unclenched as he ran toward me.

"Big brother! You're here! You're really here!" he sobbed into me. I knelt down and wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him tightly.

"Yugi, I owe you a great deal. You saved my brothers life. I would have done anything for him. Thank you."

"Of course, Kaiba." He said in his innocent voice that you would hardly ever expect to belong to such a strong duelist.

"I don't think our last duel was conclusive under the circumstances. But one day we will meet in the arena once again to see who really is the greatest duelist in the world." I told him. I had never heard myself be so gentle with anyone but Mokuba. Yugi nodded.

"Now, are you ready for me to take you home where we both belong?" I asked Mokuba, smiling at him. He sniffled and wiped his eyes but nodded all the same. I stood and we turned heading towards the Chopper waiting for us.

Before we took off, however, Yugi and his friends asked for a ride home. After everything they had done, how could I say no? Wheeler didn't shut up the entire ride home. I have to admit, though, he is growing on me. Not a fact I will ever say a loud.

I wish I could say that that was the end of my adventures. But I would be lying.

We arrived on the helipad on top of Kaiba Corporations Headquarters. Mokuba and I took the elevator down to where the Big Five-the scoundrels who were conspiring to take over my company by getting rid of me and using Mokuba to keep the company legal-were waiting for me.

The short part of this is that I fired them. They tried to talk their way out of it. Apparently, they think that I am an incompetent moron and thus that I would believe them. Imbeciles. Then they told me that they had perfected my new virtual gaming system. A system that could literally put duelists into a world with monsters and with every new level came stronger monsters and even traps and magic cards. Rather ingenious, if you ask me.

Mokuba warned me that it could be a trap. But my obsession with technology has always been my downfall and I ignored him.

Entering the virtual world was an incredible experience and at first, everything seemed to be going well. I met a Kumouri dragon and beat it with my Blue Eyes. The sounds, smells, imagery were all perfect.

I couldn't really tell you what happened next. An Armed Ninja and a Dragon Capture jar showed up and attacked me. Then I felt shockwaves shake my entire body. I felt like I was on fire. Then everything went black again.

Thinking back-all I have to say is "damnit"

I have a doctors appointment to go to. I will finish my story if only for my own sake when I am through.

****

"Do ya hear that? Kaiba said he liked me!" Joey exclaimed. Everyone in the room turned to look at him.

"He was under a lot of stress. I'm sure he got over it." Tristan said darkly.

"Actually, he said you were growing on him Joey. Not that he liked you." Yugi chimed in. Joey's face fell.

"I think he is starting to grow on you too." Serenity said, still wanting to see the good in her big brother. Joey folded his arms.

"No. His childhood sucked. His teen years more than made up for that. And he had a few health problems. Big deal. Everyone has problems. At least Kaiba had the money to pay for all of his operations and treatments. There are a lot of people a lot worse off than Kaiba without the money to take care of themselves. If he didn't have the money he did he would have died a lot earlier than that. Some of us have to duel one eyed freaks to get the money to help the people we love out." Joey went back to his pouting.

"Despite your macho façade here, Joey, I think he is starting to grow on you. Otherwise you wouldn't have cared that he liked you. I think the two of you were reluctant friends all along. A love- hate relationship kind of thing." Yugi told Joey; the taller boy stayed silent but continued pouting.

"Yeah. And all of this adventure stuff couldn't have been good for him either." Tea said, knowing where all of this was leading.

"It wasn't," Mokuba shook his head sadly, "It was worse than just not good for him. Keep reading. You'll see." He stared at the floor.

"Mokuba, if you don't want to be here while we do this…or if you would rather we stopped…it would be all right." Yugi said gently to the younger boy. Mokuba ran a hand through his thick, raven black hair.

"I just miss him, that's all. But I want to be here. I have all ready read all of this…but it's different this time." Mokuba said.

"Just remember, Mokuba. As long as you love your brother and you remember him, he'll never really be gone." Bakura's clipped English accent spoke softly from a solitary corner of the room. Everyone gasped, having forgotten he was there. Tristan was the first to recover.

"Yeah, Mokuba. Besides, knowing your brother and how much he loved you, I'm sure not even death will stop him from looking out for you. He'll find a way to beat it if he has to. He's Seto Kaiba. Nothing gets in his way, right?" Mokuba nodded. He didn't know what he believed anymore and he didn't want to spend too much time contemplating it at this juncture.

Bakura stepped forward. "May I?" He held his hand out for the diary and began reading softly.

****

Later 9-4-00

Well, it seems all of the excitement from the past few days has done some good and some bad. The cancer is…for lack of a better term…weaker. It's responding to treatment better, I guess. The tumor the cancer created, however, has only grown larger on my heart. I have my surgery in a few days. But, like I said, there is no guarantee I am going to make it out alive. They don't have a donor heart for me-not that it would matter seeing as I do still have cancer so the medical board probably wouldn't approve the transplant-but, as I said, with the procedure they want to do, there is no guarantee that there will be enough of my heart left for me to use. Bovine heart is only so useful up to a point, after all.

The doctors want me to come stay for the next couple of days so they can observe me and control everything. That doesn't fly well with me, as you can imagine. But I will do it for Mokuba. If he ever found out I was doing something AMA when I am this sick he would never speak to me again. And if I am going to die, I am going to do it on good terms with my little brother.

Anyway, back to my story for the moment. Where was I…

Ah yes…The ninja, the jar and then everything was black.

Somewhere in the very back of my mind I could hear voices and feel myself being dragged around. Like a catnap, sort of thing…What I was hearing and feeling was affecting a part of my dreams. Which were all ready disturbing. Add the grunting and yelling of angry virtual creatures and you can imagine what would ensue.

When I woke fully(some hours later, I believe, as I was nodding in and out of my catnap state) I was tied to stone wall by my hands and feet. There was a lava pit producing heat and a yellow-orange light somewhere ahead of me. But I wasn't sure exactly where. I assumed it had to be off the edge of the cliff that stretched out a few feet in front of me. I definitely hadn't programmed this.

My first thought was "Mokuba." My second was, "Again?" I wasn't so much angry as extremely irritated that people kept taking my brother away from me. I was even more irritated that they were doing it to take over my company.

"Where am I?" I asked aloud, hoping someone would answer. The Witty Phantom in his purple suit rose from the ground in front of me, holding his hat to his chest.

"You're with me, Seto Kaiba." It said in an irritatingly nasal voice resembling Pegasus'.

"You took me prisoner in my own program?" I asked the projection.

"Yes."

"Then release me. I command you to."

"This is no longer your world to command. Your games been reprogrammed. You're late to the party, Kaiba." It said, seeming to actually enjoy this dilemma. 'Don't lose your head now, Seto. It's a hologram. It doesn't enjoy anything.'

"Gee. I never really liked parties." I told it, sarcastically.

"But you're the guest of honor," he-it-spread it's arms out wide in a faux inviting way. "Or at least you will be. Very soon." He turned to walk away; something occurred to him and he turned to face me again. "You see, Kaiba, you will have great the privilege of being our offering to the Mythic Dragon. 'Till then, your misery will be in my capable hands." It spoke, amusement in its voice as it bowed to me.

"That's enough. Override protocol." I spoke to the caverns above me. "End this simulation."

Nothing happened. A small, wicked, smile flashed across the Phantom's face as he shook his finger disapprovingly at me.

"I told you things have changed. You're code's been re-written and now all your silly safety precautions are a thing of the past. Now if you will excuse me, there is so much to do before the other offering is brought here." He tipped his hat to me and started off again.

'Mokuba!' I panicked in my head. Out loud, I said "Another offering?"

"I know how you love the Spotlight, but you'll just have to share." It giggled annoyingly before vanishing.

"Come back!" I shouted. Maybe if I could distract it, I could buy Mokuba more time. The Witty Phantom, however, did not re appear.

I struggled against the chains that bound me for a few moments, using all of my years of martial arts training, my anger and my fear and channeling it into my arms. To no avail, however. So I started to try and find a logical solution out of this by looking around me. Nothing came to mind.

I was trapped and, I assumed, my little brother was next. Kill our minds, but have our bodies incapacitated. Johnson, the head lawyer for my company and a member of the Big 5, must have taken a closer look at the by-laws. In the event that a living-functional-Kaiba heir is not available, the Big 5 have control.

I fell deeper into my thoughts and my memories.

In a part of my mind I could see Emily. She wasn't as she was the last time I saw her though. She wasn't sick and she didn't have a wheelchair. She was standing, dressed in a pink and white ball gown type of dress. And she was glaring at me.

'Don't you dare give up Seto Kaiba. Your brother needs you. As a rule of the dead, I am not allowed to tell you how to get out of this precarious situation you and your ego have gotten you into, but I am allowed to tell you that there is a way out. Just think about it. Pretend this is real only magical. Who would you call for help right now?' She asked me, her voice echoed around the spaces of my mind.

'I don't ask for help.' I told her. I wasn't being scolding or stubborn, it was just a fact. I had never in my entire life asked for help. In my mind I was standing in front of her as my twelve year old self.

'Well you better start. Think Seto. Who would you ask for help?'

'Yugi.' That answer came to me so simply. He was the only person in my life I had ever met who I believed would put his self on the line for someone else-even me. 'But why does that matter? He's in that world and I'm in this one.'

'Are you sure? Who do you think your brother ran to?'

'Yugi is here?'

'Yes. And he's trying to find you but it's not easy. And when he does find you it's still going to be difficult for him to get here. You being floating in a sky, and all.' Emily crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. 'I have to say, you took this video gaming stuff way too far.' I wasn't going to argue.

'What can I do to help him find me? Is Mokuba with him? Wait, floating in the sky?'

'One question at a time, Seto. Your brother is with Yugi and Joey and your friend Mai recently joined them. Apparently your associates hired her to test this program. Right now they are all traveling across the desert. They will end up in a maze where they will meet the princess of this land. For your second question, yes. You are floating in the sky.'

'That was my third question.'

'Do you want my help or do you want to get hung up on technicalities?'

'Sorry.' The twelve year old me apologized.

'Thank you. For your second question: Yes. You are floating in the sky. You are in the Castle of Dark Illusions and protected by special spells and an army of monsters ready to take their second offering for the Mythic Dragon as well as stop anyone who tries to penetrate these walls against the Big Five's wishes. Finally, in order to help your friends, you are going to have to let go of some beliefs you have had as well as some of your control. Focus. Call out to Yugi. Tell him where you are. Magic is real, especially in a place like this. And your thoughts are the most magical things you have. So focus. Lend him your strength.' She told me.

'I don't understand.'

'Yes you do. You just don't acknowledge it. But you need to. Lend them your strength by doing what I said. I am going to go help them as well. '

'How? Will they be able to see you?'

'Of course not, Kaiba. I'm a ghost sent here to help you. Who knew we could penetrate realms. I suppose it makes sense, but since this isn't real…anyway…you get my point. I am going to go lend them my strength and whisper ideas to them to help them get here. Stay strong, Seto.'

'Emily…' I whispered…I had something I wanted to say.

'Tell me later. This won't be the last time you see me.' She winked at me, flipping her black hair over her shoulder and then disappearing. The whitish environment was replaced by the stone one where I was still chained.

I took a deep breath, feeling ridiculous as I called out to Yugi in my mind. Over and over. I could feel him getting closer, so I assumed it was working. Or maybe that was wishful thinking. I didn't want to believe I had had a psychotic break and had been hallucinating someone as crazy as I was apparently becoming.

In the midst of my focus, the Witty Phantom showed up once again.

"Wake up, Kaiba." I looked at him. "You programmed me to torment my captives, not let them sleep." He told me, twirling his hat on one finger then replacing it on his head.

"Guess you weren't my most inspired creation." His high pitched, nasal laugh resonated off the cavern walls.

"Come now, Kaiba. Give yourself some credit. After all, just look who I managed to snatch. His disguise didn't fool us." Mokuba was suddenly laying at my feet, wearing a yellow and pink dress. The same dress I had programmed the princess of this world to wear.

He pulled the dress off, to reveal sea green and silver armor underneath.

"Seto!" He was happy to see me, even under these circumstances.

"Mokuba! What are you doing here?"

"What do you think, big brother? I'm here to save you!" Behind him, the Witty Phantom cleared it's throat, annoyed.

"Please. You aren't in a position to be saving anyone. In fact, you're about to join your brother for a dip in the lava pool of atonement." I gritted my teeth and growled. The Phantom didn't miss a beat in his ranting. "And when that ritual is complete, the dragon will be unleashed!" Clearly, I had had a bad super hero flick on in the background when I created this character. The villain in those things always has to rant and rave before finishing his victims off. I hoped that his gloating would end like it did in the movies; that the heroes would show up and save the hostages(I would not think of myself as a damsel in distress) Hopefully, Emily's advice would work.

I watched, part horrified and part proud as Mokuba threw a card at the Witty Phantom.

"Swordstalker free my brother!" he yelled. The monster appeared and cut me free of my bonds. Mokuba handed me my deck and a duel system. The swordstalker stayed momentarily by my side.

"Wait…no!" I could see the panic in this holograms eyes. Maybe, in this flick, Mokuba and I were the heroes who saved ourselves.

All right…enough cheesy movie references.

I smiled a completely humorous smile as I placed the duel disk on my wrist.

"All right. Time for a trip to the recycle bin, Phantom. Go, Blue Eyes White Dragon!" I called forth my digital creature. A surge of pride shot through me as I heard its roar and saw my would be tormentors panic increase when he ran. The Blue Eyes, of course, destroyed that irritating Phantom and Mokuba and I ran, searching for a way out.

Armed Ninjas flew above us. Some ninjas. If they were so good, we shouldn't have known they were there, if you ask me. Just a glitch I will fix when I have the time.

One of the ninjas threw another Dragon Capture Jar at me. I called forth the Trapmaster to vanquish it. I got my original Blue Eyes back. Twice the fire power. My beasts took out anything that would stand in our way.

When we were clear(at least for the moment) I stopped my brother.

"Now, Mokuba. Tell me how it is you got here."

"Don't be mad but, I got Yugi and his friends to help." Well, Emily was right on one thing. They were here. I feigned angered surprise.

"You did what! You know how I feel about Yugi Muoto." That was a lie. I still don't know how I feel about Yugi. But I knew Mokuba knew what I had told him I thought.

"I know. But I didn't know who else to turn to."

"Anyone else." I growled. And that much, I meant. But, as Emily had been so generous in bringing to my attention, there weren't a whole lot of other people who would willingly risk their lives and their minds for the likes of me. But I refused to think of that at the moment. Part of me figured that Yugi would later gloat how he had to save my life and that was a humiliation I did not want to face.

"Anyway," I told him, turning away, "Let's see if we can escape this game." We ran across a precarious looking rope bridge and through some tunnels. I searched on both sides of me for some clue as to how to get out of here.

Travelling through the tunnels, we finally saw a light ahead. More cheesy references…clearly, I need sleep.

Fortunately, I am coming to the end of this little adventure.

Following the light and with the Blue Eyes behind us taking out anything that got in our way, we ran into Yugi, Joey and Mai Valentine whom I only knew by reputation.

"Kaiba! Mokuba! You're okay! Oh. What a relief. We've been so worried!" Wheeler couldn't hide his relief or his excitement as we stood in front of them. And I couldn't contain my sarcasm.

"Joey, you look like an overgrown monkey in that outfit." I chuckled. Where Mai and Yugi were both in warriors armor, Joey wore what appeared to be a one shouldered, brown, rug. He didn't look so much like a monkey as a caveman. He even had a club to complete the look.

"A monkey!" He yelled. " That's the thanks I get for coming to rescue…" In the middle of him making a very valid point, familiar laughter echoed above our heads.

"Congratulations gamers." One of the Big Five spoke from an unidentified source. "You have made it to the final level."

"Correction, you slime ball. We've beaten the game." I told him.

"Oh. Is that what you think, Seto Kaiba."

"That's right. I escaped the lava pool. Therefore the Mythic Dragon wasn't summoned. And that means this game is over!"

"Oh, it will be game over all right. But not for us." It was Johnson who spoke this time. As he laughed, the cavern we were standing in was changed. It now looked like we were standing in an oversized microchip.

"What is this?" Joey asked, looking around.

"They've re-written the program. They're summoning the Mythic Dragon themselves! I shouted as a huge blue vortex opened up in front of us and the sound of an angry dragon reached our ears before we could see anything else.

Suddenly, a huge five headed dragon stood in front of us. Each head representing a different element. Its body was a sick beige color.

"All right everyone! Stay close! We'll win together, or together we'll fall!" The deeper voice of Yugi's alternate side shouted. Its comforting to me now to know that I am not the only one who upon occasion makes these types of comments.

****

"Uh, Yug, I think he's mocking you." Joey interrupted.

"Hush!" Tea snapped. "Go ahead Bakura.

****

Joey, of course, started whining about our circumstances. Hadn't anyone ever told him complaining does nothing. If you want something done you must take action? Knowing this, I took it upon myself to be the motivator.

"Suck it up. There is only one way we are going to get out of this."

"I agree." Yugi's darker half chimed in. "We have to defeat that dragon."

Mai called out her Harpie Lady. Why she would ever think that would work against what we were facing was beyond me, but she did it. It turned out to be helpful, however, because we learned that the Big Five had done some other kinds of re-programming.

"We call it the dragon seal. It makes sure only dragon class monsters can attack here." Gansley, I believe, was the one who spoke.

This was amusing to me. They knew my deck was stacked with dragon type monsters, as it had been ever since I was a kid and the only cards I had were the fifty cent almost useless kind that you buy at used comic stores.

"You dare challenge me to a battle of dragons? You five should all know better than that." I called my third Blue Eyes White Dragon, Joey called his Red Eyes Black Dragon, Mai her Harpies Pet Dragon and Yugi his Curse of Dragon.

We commanded our Monsters to attack, but I knew this wasn't going to be that easy.

I was right. As usual.

Because of each elemental head of the Mythic Dragon, all of our attacks were canceled. But Mokuba had no dragons to attack or defend with and those snakes turned their attacks on him. Joey had his Red Eyes block the attack for Mokuba.

It was a useless move because there were no real turns in this game. After they destroyed his Red Eyes, they could just attack again and hit their target. But, it was a useless move I greatly appreciated.

Joey lost all of his life points after losing his dragon and thus, he became part of the digital world. His mind would be lost forever in this game if we didn't win.

While my future former associates were gloating, Yugi and I came up with a new tactic.

"Our dragons alone won't be enough, but I think I know how we can beat it." Mai stared at him in surprise. I kept my stare cold. I hoped his strategy would work quickly before they could attack Mokuba again. "As strong as that Mythic Dragon might be, there is one creature that can beat it."

He called forth his Black Luster Soldier. It wasn't a dragon creature so it couldn't attack. It was Mai's turn to defend and be beaten. We watched as she joined Joey in the digitized world.

I could see it in his eyes: This was the last straw for Yugi and his darker half. He had never taken losing his friends well, I had noticed.

"Kaiba, this may be our one chance. We have to work as a team." He told me.

"No way. You don't even know what you're doing." Clearly.

"You just have to trust me!" he growled up at me. Trust him. Because that had worked out so well for Mai?

"I don't have to do anything, Yugi. I can win this battle in my own way."

"You'll win nothing." It was Gatley again. "Two of your group are all ready gone and now we'll make it three."

"Kaiba, call your Ultimate Dragon!" Yugi shouted at me.

"Silence!" I needed to think quickly and his talking wasn't helping. The light element head opened its mouth and unleashed its attack.

"Seto! It's not your dragon he's attacking! It's you!" I heard Mokuba's voice, though it didn't really register. I saw his little body push me out of the way and stand in the direct line of attack. I heard him yell in pain and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach.

"Mokuba!" I tried to catch him in my arms as he fell, but he was nothing but particle before he reached me.

"No. No! No! Mokuba!" I hit the ground at Yugi's feet and slammed my fist into the ground. 'Not again.' I thought to myself.

Some big brother. Three times in the last week I had let him down.

"Kaiba. Your brothers sacrifice doesn't have to be for nothing. We can still win this if we work together. I have a plan. Listen, you have to trust me. Bring out your Ultimate Dragon." He told me. This time, I listened. I had nothing left to lose, anyway.

"All right. I hope you know what you are doing, Yugi." I told him as I called out my dragon.

He made some kind of hero speech about the power of the two of us together. I wasn't really listening. I was waiting to see what his plan was, though I thought I already knew. What I didn't know was if it would work.

Yugi used polymerization to fuse his soldier and my dragon. The Mythic Dragon attacked, but its attack was negated.

So far so good.

As it so happens, the Dragon Master Knight, who was created by fusing our two creatures, gains the attack power of not just every dragon on the field, but every dragon ever played. With its over 9000 attack power, we launched our assault.

The Mythic Dragon was defeated and Yugi and I were falling through the floor.

We hit the ground and were knocked unconscious for a moment. We awoke to the sound of a crowd of people cheering.

Just FYI, that is not a pleasant sound when you have hit your head hard on something.

I winced as Yugi and I stood looking out at the crowd.

"Whats going on?" I asked myself more than anyone.

"My Heroes! What you have done will keep my people and our lands safe forevermore." The Princess told us.

"We are not the ones you should be cheering." Yugi told the girl, gravely.

"There shouldn't be any cheering! I lost my brother in there." I told her and the suddenly silent crowd.

"Fear not. The losses you've suffered are too great for any hero to bear no matter how strong they are." She said.

She started to glow golden and something itched at the back of my mind. What had I programmed into her.

That's right! She was the Mystical Elf. She began to chant, casting a spell to bring back Yugi's friends and my little brother.

They all appeared in front of us.

"They're back!"

"Mokuba." I smiled again for the second time today. If I wasn't careful, I would set a precedent for being weak. I couldn't have that. I tried to compose myself, but Mokuba jumped up and ran into my arms. I couldn't help but continue smiling.

For the second time in a week, I had thought I had lost my little brother forever. And for the second time in a week, Yugi had helped me get him back. I could never repay him for this.

A black, foreboding looking vortex appeared on the wall behind us.

"The exit portal. Come on Mokuba." I said, finally putting myself back together.

"Hold on just a second there,Kaiba," Wheeler's nasal, New Jersey accent interrupted me. "Don't you think the very least you could do is say thank you or something."

"I never asked for your help. And as far as I'm concerned I never needed it." I lied without looking at him.

"Ah come on." He said.

"Yugi, you on the other hand I will offer some gratitude. We made a good team you and I. But don't think that means we will partnering up any time soon in reality." I said. I tried to make it apparent in my voice that I was truly grateful for his help.

"Very well. But despite whatever grudge you may still hold against me and the others, perhaps you can stop looking at us as mere adversaries and start looking at us more as friends." Yugi told me. I couldn't answer him.

I did look at him as a friend and, should he ever really need my help, I would have no choice but to do whatever I could for him. He saved my little brother when he didn't have to, and thus he saved my own life.

"Come on, Mokuba." I said, walking through the vortex. Mokuba hesitated a moment before running to catch up to me.

I woke in my own body and headed for my lab, where I knew Mokuba would be.

It was nice to be back. Now, I had work to do.

****

"He never quit,did he?" Joey asked.

"No. Not until he had to." Mokuba said.

"Mokuba, I'm sorry for all the things I said about your brother before. I'm not saying I was wrong, but I can admit that maybe I didn't see the whole picture."

"Thanks Joey. I appreciate that." Mokuba said; he looked up from the floor with a half smile on his face.

*****

A/N: What did you think? Don't worry, I won't do a play by play of all the duels coming up…but this last one with the Big Five was all ready so short I didn't know how to shorten it anymore and still keep what was important. And yeah, if you think some of Kaiba's internal dialogue sounds familiar(as well as some of the conversations they had) you're right. I copied and/or re-wrote a lot of the stuff cause it was Kaiba's thoughts and that's what this is all about, right? Haha. Anyway, review and let me know what you think.

Lovelovelovelove

M


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